I never though of myself as "fit" ... until today!
Running 5k was a massive highlight for me today. I didnt think i could run that far - let alone realise that i could have pushed myself much more than i did. This has given me a new drive to try again on monday (the same lunchtime run route) and beat my time! Maybe even go further and really see what i am capable of!! Today i realised that maybe i am fit? Much fitter than i ever really thought i could be! Yes, i do bootcamp and PT and go to the gym but running has never been a strong ability of mine.. and yes, maybe my ass was wiggling and jiggling all about but i didnt care coz I ran 5k!!
I am really proud of myself and i cant wait to finish the 80k in 25days to prove to all the haters that i did do it!!
I think i tend to underestimate myself alot - i think i should start giving myself a lil more credit! I mean, i have lost over 30kilos and i still think of myself as fat. I still feel like that big overweight girl from high school. I walk past the mirror and have to look twice at the reflection because i am now a smaller version of myself. Even though i know i have lost alot of weight, i am not satisfied because i am not at my goal weight. And no matter how many people comment on my new look - I dont know how to take a compliment!
Even though i have always wished for it. I have never thought of myself as skinny. I have never really been slim before. No one has ever seen my at a "normal" weight since i was 13yrs old. I also have never thought myself as pretty. I guess being overweight for years & years i have always believed that fat = ugliness (in myself). The only day i have ever truly felt amazing gorgeous & beautiful was my wedding day and ALL brides are suppose to feel like that! I wish i had that effortless beauty. Like roll out of bed and instantly be skinny & beautiful (if only it was ever that easy?!) I consider myself as a very plain average looking woman - and thats only AFTER loosing 30kgs!! I dont wear make up unless going out for a night on the town, my hair is always in a pony (even though i cut it so short i could hardly tie it back!) I love fashion, but dont really dress up as i'd rather be in comfortable clothing or gymwear! Thing is, once i do hit goal weight (i have no doubt in my mind that i wont!) i wonder if i will always feel this way about myself.....?!!
Even though i have always wished myself skinny, my goals are a little different now, yes, i want to be slim but i would rather be "Lean, Strong & Toned". I want muscles!! I want definition in my sholders & arms & abs & legs! I want to comfortably go to the beach and feel amazing in a swimsuit (not necessarily a 2 peice bikini).
I think Strong is the new Skinny! Once i do hit my first weight loss goal. I will concerntrate on getting muscles - but for now i will run my bum off (literally!) to achieve my 65kg goal!
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